A Dance Machine in the Making

I had a moment in yoga class this weekend. The embarrassing kind. Nearing the end of the class, we were in our lotus sitting position – meditating. For some strange reason, I was crying. And I just couldn’t stop. So now I need to find another studio to go to.

But on a more serious note, I was just incredibly frustrated with my progress and I just wanted to cry. I have another competition coming up in November and based on my performance in LA, I realize that I have a ways to go still. So there’s a plan in place – a desperate attempt to improve vastly in 2 months. The problem at hand is that in-spite of my best laid plans, the mind doesn’t always cooperate. Nothing is more frustrating than being at the studio and not being able to get though that mental hurdle. I want to stop in the middle of the routine, I just can’t lift my legs (or arms for that matter) to do anything and everything is half-assed; so what’s the point. Its like I’ve given up and left the building already (that’s actually something my ballet instructor has said to me).

I need to be a machine. An energizer bunny, with an I-will-persevere attitude. Since my crying episode, I have spent a significant amount of time analyzing the situation at hand. I’m a perfectionist. If its not awesome, why do it... I am sabotaging my own efforts. Nothing will ever be perfect. So today’s a new day, my friends. I will check my perfectionist attitude at the door and instead of doing everything perfectly I will simply strive to do it. Let’s just do this one thing and get through it. Because when I think about all 5 routines and having to do each for 2 minutes multiple times over the evening, I want to slit my wrist. So let’s do this one move, and take everything else as it comes. Let’s see where that gets me.